


Twitter and Oranges

by ChimaeraKitten (orphan_account)



Category: DCU (Comics), Danny Phantom, Gravity Falls, Marvel Cinematic Universe, Parks and Recreation, Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Crack, Gen, No editing we die like mne, One Shot Collection, Random & Short
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-06
Updated: 2017-01-19
Packaged: 2018-09-06 20:39:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 1,526
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8768476
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/ChimaeraKitten
Summary: A collection of twitter run ins with the preeminent oompa loompa.





	1. #WayneTrumpWar

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this for funnies. and also as a coping mechanism. and because i can. It is in no way a literary masterpiece, but it may be funny.

_It started like this:_

 

 **@flygrayson:**  
@realDonaldTrump why do you look like the joker had a bad hair day?

  
**@flygrayson:**  
@realDonaldTrump whoops that’s offensive… to the joker.

  
**@realDonaldTrump:**  
@flygrayson look what our country has come too! Our youth are rude and attack me on my looks. #makeamericagreatagain

  
**@flygrayson:**  
I can attack you, @realDonaldTrump over policy too, but what I have to say won’t fit in 140 characters.

  
**@TimDW:**  
@flygrayson you should also mention his tiny hands

  
**@flygrayson:**  
@TimDW absolutely right. @realDonaldTrump why are your hands smaller than Baby Doll’s?

  
**@realDonaldTrump:**  
@flygrayson Apologize! I deserve respectful treatment!

  
**@flygrayson:**  
@realDonaldTrump like you respect disabled people and minorities?

  
**@TimDW:**  
Oh snap! #applywatertotheburn #waynetrumpwar

 

_And it escalated:_

 

 **@realDonaldTrump:**  
I may have to cancel my meeting with WE due to this disrespectful treatment! @TimDW @flygrayson

  
**@TimDW:**  
@realDonaldTrump as acting CEO I say: Good.

  
**@realDonaldTrump:**  
AND pull my contracts from WE! @TimDW @flygrayson

  
**@realDonaldTrump:**  
The success of the Neon Knights program is socialist liberal media propaganda!

 

_It ended like this:_

 

 **@flygrayson:**  
what was that @TimDW? You’re going to build the new plant in Mexico because @realDonaldTrump was rude?

  
**@TimDW:**  
@flygrayson, I know it’s a bit of an overreaction, but I don’t see any other alternative. @realDonaldTrump, thoughts?

 

_About 72 hours later:_

 

 **@realDonaldTrump:**  
proud to announce a new partnership with @WayneEnterprises to expand the Neon Knights program and build new High-tech factories in America

  
**@TimDW:**  
That’s more like it. The #waynetrumpwar is won! Thanks @flygrayson

  
**@flygrayson:**  
Couldn’t have done it without you @TimDW


	2. #StarkForPOTUS

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony gives he-who-I-hate-to-name a piece of his mind

_It started with a rant:_

 

 

**@starkravingmad:**

@foxnews you have to stop calling Drumpf a successful business man #hesucks

 

**@starkravingmad:**

@foxnews because he’s not. He’s gone bankrupt so, so many times

 

**@starkravingmad:**

This is not good business

 

**@starkravingmad:**

@foxnews and I say this a man who stopped weapon’s manufacture at his WEAPONS company and didn’t go bankrupt.

 

**@starkravingmad:**

@realDonaldTrump what do you have to say to that hm?

 

**@capsicle:**

@starkravingmad Tony don’t antagonize presidential candidates.

 

**@starkravingmad:**

I cant believe you @capsicle. You’ve had at LEAST 3 twitter wars with him yourself. Hypocrite.

 

**@capsicle:**

@starkravingmad I’m just scared that if you talk to him he’ll gain sentience.

 

**@starkravingmad:**

@capsicle wow. Low blow.

 

**@widowromanova:**

I trained him well @starkravingmad

 

**@capsicle:**

@starkravingmad, you kinda walked into that one.

 

 

_And it continued:_

 

 

**@starkravingmad:**

@foxnews and @realDonaldTrmp still haven’t answered me

 

**@starkravingmad:**

@realDonaldTrump why do you suck so much? Why are you such a terrible businessman?

 

**@realDonaldTrump:**

@starkravingmad I am great at business!

 

**@starkravingmad:**

The Oompa Loompa answers! @realDonaldTrump if you’re so great why are you always bankrupt?

 

**@realDonaldTrump:**

@starkravingmad you don’t know anything about business

 

**@starkravingmad:**

@realDonaldTrump How is it possible to be this stupid and still function?

 

**@starkravingmad:**

I’m serious. I’d make a better president than this guy and I’d make a terrible president. #starkforpotus

 

 

_#starkforpotus was trending by that evening, and tony had to do a press conference saying he had no intention to actually run for president._


	3. #ThermosHimUp (requested)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam Manson and the rest of the DP crew (by request)

(This one is set post-election)

 

 

**@Ghostygoth:**

Sorry America, I’m moving to the ghost zone for the next four years #notmypresident

 

**@Ghostygoth:**

Of course. I’ll come out for protests. Gotta fight the Nazis, I just won’t live in a world where @realDonaldTrump is POTUS

 

**@Ghostygoth:**

I’d take Pariah Dark over @realDonaldTrump any day

 

**@Ghostygoth:**

@onlymostlydead you think you can swing finding me a nice apartment in the GZ?

 

**@onlymostlydead:**

I’ll see what I can do. In the meantime we could fill his jet w/ ectoplasm?

 

**@Ghostygoth:**

@onlymostlydead nah, it’ll only bring Mike Pence to life

 

 

_Ok, now here’s the actual war:_

 

 

**@Ghostygoth:**

@realDonaldTrump where did you get summoned from? I think I’d remember seeing a monster as vile as you in the GZ.

 

**@realDonaldTrump:**

Look at the disrespect. These millennials don’t know anything!

 

**@Ghostygoth:**

Pretty certain I know more than you #thermoshimup

 

**@realDonaldTrump:**

@Ghostygoth I’m the smartest person I’ve ever met

 

**@Ghostygoth:**

Well, @realDonaldTrump then you must surround yourself with some real morons

 

**@realDonaldTrump:**

The liberal youth are rude and disrespectful! They’ve been corrupted by the media!

 

**@Technogeek:**

That is probably the saddest clapback I’ve ever seen. @Ghostygoth don’t dignify it with an answer

 

**@GrayGhostHunter:**

Yeah @Ghostygoth It’s not worth it. I’m already on my way to dump ectoplasm on him anyway.

 

**@Ghostygoth:**

I take back everything bad I’ve ever said about you @GrayGhostHunter

 

**@Ghostygoth:**

And if you need to hide from the secret service you can use my place

 

**@GrayGhostHunter:**

Nah, I’m gonna stay in the GZ for a while (I filmed it btw) Here: [video]

 

**@realDonaldTrump:**

TAKE THAT VIDEO DOWN

 

**@Ghostygoth:**

And with that I bid you all farewell for the night.

 

**@Ghostygoth:**

And don’t forget! #deathtofascists

 

**@onlymostlydead:**

Hell yeah!


	4. #DirectApproach

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peridot has some questions.

_First Peridot had to find out Donald Trump exists:_

 

 

**@PERIDOT5XG:**

@realDonaldTrump I am confused I wasn’t aware humans come in orange?

 

**@SonUniverse:**

@PERIDOT5XG that’s not very nice

 

**@PERIDOT5XG:**

@SonUniverse I was just asking a question!

 

**@perfectpearl:**

@PERIDOT5XG Greg has informed me that this particular human is orange in tone due to a “Spray Tan”

 

 

_Then there was the war:_

 

 

**@PERIDOT5XG:**

@realDonaldTrump why do people consider you worthy of a diamond-level position when you are clearly flawed and unqualified?

 

**@PERIDOT5XG:**

@realDonaldTrump WHY AREN’T YOU ANSWERING MY QUESTION?

 

**@PERIDOT5XG:**

@realDonaldTrump it’s time for the more #directapproach.

 

**@realDonaldTrump:**

@PERIDOT5XG HOW DID YOU GET MY PERSONAL EMAIL!?

 

**@PERIDOT5XG:**

@realDonaldTrump it was eeeeeeaaaaaaasy. Earth technology is primitive and weak before my skills.

 

**@PERIDOT5XG:**

@realDonaldTrump you still haven’t answered my question

 

**@realDonaldTrump:**

@PERIDOT5XG STOP EMAILING ME!

 

**@PERIDOT5XG:**

@realDonaldTrump it seems my attempts at contact are failing. I have an idea!

 

**@realDonaldTrump:**

@PERIDOT5XG HOW DID YOU GET MY PHONE NUMBER!?

 

**@PERIDOT5XG:**

@realDonaldTrump and I released you “tax returns” as well. You’re welcome!

 

**@PERIDOT5XG:**

@realDonaldTrump (now you say “wow thanks”)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the last one I have written and I have no ideas so comment if you have a character you want to see


	5. #PolaroidGate (by request)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stan gets mad

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I saw the comment and wrote it immediately because it was such a good Idea.
> 
> Stan's username is @StanPines4Mayor b/c the kids made it for him during the campaign

 

_On election night:_

 

 

**@StanPines4Mayor**

Ok, so who thought it was a good Idea to elect Bill’s orange cousin to office.

 

**@StanPines4Mayor**

Because I may have to make a display of that person. “Stupidest person in the world”

 

**@StanPines4Mayor**

Tourists would love that. I could sell tee-shirts

 

**@StanPines4Mayor**

Anyway, do you guys think Santiago could get ME to Canada in the next 24 hours?

 

**@StanPines4Mayor**

No? Well ok. Time to plot a revolution.

 

 

 

_A few days later:_

 

**@StanPines4Mayor**

@realDonaldTrump have you ever considered being a wax figure in the basement of a Mystery Shack in rural Oregon?

 

**@StanPines4Mayor**

@realDonaldTrump no charge, you just have to stand perfectly still in a basement forever.

 

**@StanPines4Mayor**

@SciencePines can we build a time machine and go back and stop him from ever running? And possibly punch him?

 

**@SciencePines**

@StanPines4Mayor sorry, the logistics are to much.

 

**@StanPines4Mayor**

Damn.

 

**@StanPinesForMayor**

Guess our only choice is to gear up for ANOTHER apocalypse

 

**@StanPines4Mayor**

We barely survived four DAYS. How are we gonna survive four YEARS?

 

 

_And a few more days:_

 

**@StanPines4Mayor**

@realDonaldTrump you f**king bastard you’re going to get us into thermonuclear war before you’re even in office.

 

**@realDonaldTrump**

@StanPines4Mayor is attacking me for no reason?

 

**@StanPines4Mayor**

@realDonaldTrump No, I’m attacking you because you’re f**king insane

 

**@StanPines4Mayor**

@realDonaldTrump I’m having a funeral for America tomorrow. You aren’t invited.

 

**@StanPines4Mayor**

@realDonaldTrump we’re going to bury Obama’s wax figure. Soos will probably cry.

 

**@realDonaldTrump**

@StanPines4Mayor how rude! You disrespect your country!

 

**@StanPines4Mayor**

@realDonaldTrump no, I respect what used to be my country.

 

**@StanPines4Mayor**

@realDonaldTrump doesn’t even pay taxes! How can he… wait

 

**@StanPines4Mayor**

Guess what I found @realDonaldTrump. Guess

 

**@StanPines4Mayor**

Ok don’t guess. I’ll tell you. It’s a picture of you! @realDonaldTrump

 

**@StanPines4Mayor**

What’s that thing about the president not doing crimes and stuff?

 

**@StanPines4Mayor**

Because I just found something AMAZING.

 

**@StanPines4Mayor**

Here: [A picture of a certain spray tanned opossum sitting at a table, holding a counterfeit hundred dollar bill in progress. He is surrounded by the tools of counterfeiting]

 

**@realDonaldTrump**

WHERE DID YOU GET THAT

 

**@StanPines4Mayor**

I’ll never tell (hint, you thought your money making scheme was better than mine. I snapped a Polaroid as reference)

 

**@realDonaldTrump**

TAKE THAT FAKE PHOTO DOWN

 

**@StanPines4Mayor**

no takebacks! @NBC @CBS @nytimes if you want to print that go ahead! HA! #polaroidgate


	6. #ParksAndRevolution

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> parks and rec b/c frog said so and it was a good idea

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry it's so short.

**@realDonaldTrump**

One of my first priorities in office will be to cut back on the bloated EPA and Parks dept.

 

**@LKnope**

Oh, well, @realDonaldTrump it’s time to educate you

 

**@LKnope**

of course @realDonaldTrump can’t read so here’s a video: [youtube link]

 

**@LKnope**

I’ve worked in parks for more than a decade. To quote my husband @realDonaldTrump had “never had a real job in his life” #ParksAndRevolution

 

**@LKnope**

Of course, all that ignores the biggest flaw in your argument @realDonaldTrump

 

**@LKnope**

Which is you probably won’t be POTUS for long

 

**@LKnope**

b/c of the you know, treason thing. #ParksAndRevolution

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for being patient. This is the 2nd to last chapter b/c I want to be done b4 the inauguration. the last one (Connie Maheswaran-by request) will go up later tonight. sorry to people who asked for Rick and Morty, SvtFoE, or undertake b/c I'm not in those fandoms so I can't really write them. If anyone else wants too...


	7. #GemsAgainstOranges

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maheswaran for POTUS 2k40

**@LadyMaheswaran**

Wait, Meryl Streep is overrated now? @realDonaldTrump what does that make you?

 

**@LadyMaheswaran**

Time gave you man of the year for Nothing. Meryl has a lifetime of work behind her

 

**@LadyMaheswaran**

You’ve never really worked a day in your life @realDonaldTrump

 

**@realDonaldTrump**

Why are these tweets appearing in my texts!?

 

**@PERIDOT5XG**

I wanted to make sure you saw them @realDonaldTrump

 

**@LadyMaheswaran**

@realDonaldTrumpo you can’t ignore us anymore

 

**@BobLazuli**

@LadyMaheswaran I’ll fly you to the women’s march if you want

 

**@PERIDOT5XG**

And I’ll interrupt the inauguration broadcast with Me, the mighty Peridot!

 

**@LadyMaheswaran**

Thanks guys. With your help I might survive four years

 

**@LadyMaheswaran**

@realDonaldTrump hope you’re prepared to face #GemsAgaintOranges #notmyPresident

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! May humor help us cope with whatever hell tomorrow brings.


End file.
